Wanted to get myself a new cell phone so I could hear myself as a ringtone. Who knew the store would go and check my credit score? Now all they let me have is this dinosaur! Hello hello hello, can anybody hear me?

I know I know I know, I should have gone to Free Credit Report dot com! That's where I should have gone, could have got my knowledge on.

There's a holdout in the Bronx, Brooklyn's broken out in fights. There's a traffic jam in Harlem that's backed up to Jackson Heights. There's a Scout troop short a child, Khrushchev's due at Idelwyld… Car 54, where are you?

My name is Rhoda Morgenstern. I was born in the Bronx, New York in December of 1941. I've always felt responsible for World War II. The first thing I remember liking that liked me back was food. I had a bad puberty; it lasted seventeen years. I'm a high school graduate.

I went to art school. My entrance exam was on a book of matches. I decided to move out of the house when I was twenty-four. My mother still refers to this as the time I ran away from home. Eventually, I ran to Minneapolis, where it's cold and I figured I'd keep better. Now I'm back in Manhattan. New York, this is your last chance!